Yesterday my beloved and I
celebrated our 43rd wedding anniversary. We were married on a Friday
evening in 1972. The ceremony was at 7 in the evening, and took place in the
city of Hamilton. We had a two night honeymoon at the Holiday Inn in
Brantford.
At the time, I was one week to
the day shy of my 18th birthday (my mother had to sign her consent on
the marriage licence application), and David was a much older man of 19. No
one—including us—really thought it would last, and not just because I was four
months pregnant at the time.
Of all our friends who attended
our wedding all those years ago, I believe only one couple is still together,
and that is just plain sad. If you’re thinking that people don’t know how to
stick things out any more, I think you’d be thinking right.
Folks have often asked us what
the secret is to staying married for so long. So I thought I would take this
opportunity to pass along our answer to that question.
I asked David to dictate to me
his answer to that question, and this is what he had to say: You need to respect
each other’s ideas and opinions, even though they might not be your own; find
the topics you are both most passionate about and try very hard not to argue
over them. Respect, encourage and support the other person’s dream. That is very
important. Time away from each other, if not taken to the extreme, is a
necessary thing—don’t live in each other’s back pockets. Above all, you have to
trust and respect the person you’re married to. If you do all these things
there’s no reason not to have a long and stable marriage. If you have that
stable platform, you can find happiness together—happiness is after all, a
choice.
The only piece of advice I
could add to what David said would be to not tell each other what to do—and to
remember, it’s not about getting your own way all the time, or even most of the
time. It’s about getting along.
Like everything, having a long
lasting marriage is a choice. Yes, you both have to make that choice.
David and I did that a long time ago. We talk to each other a lot, and that,
also in my opinion is key. You have to have a relationship between you from the
beginning. It can’t all be about the kids because the kids grow up and move on.
You have to have something between you that keeps you together.
David’s first word when I asked
him what advice he would give to others was ‘respect’. He and I are in
accordance with that being the most important word when it comes to describing
how to make a marriage that will last. No, the first word isn’t love. Think
about it for a moment. If you’re young you may not realize this but love evolves
over time. It starts out exciting; then it sometimes becomes a “rote” word you
say, especially if you’re going through a rough patch. When times are tough,
love, being an emotion, is swayed by your other emotions—you’re tired of always
trying to make 50 dollars do the work of 150, tired of the kids fighting, tired
of your spouse being in a bad mood because he or she is exhausted. Stress
stresses us, and plays hell with our emotions, especially love.
But respect? That
doesn’t change. Respect is what you sometimes have to hang onto when the love is
in the midst of one of its many metamorphoses. If you respect you partner, then
you never talk against them to anyone else, not even in jest; you might
not like the snappy mood he or she is in, but if you respect them, you leave
them be, acknowledging they have a right to feel snappish from time to
time.
If you respect you partner, and
your marriage, then you behave in a loving way, even when the idea of loving him
or her is a hard pill to swallow and yes—sometimes, it is exactly
that.
They said it wouldn’t last, and
yet it has. It’s lasted, because we were determined to make it last. We’re at 43
years and counting. And that is an accomplishment we’re both very proud
of.
Love,
Morgan
No comments:
Post a Comment