I realize the following may not
be “politically correct”. I’ll apologize for that right up front, and in many
ways, that apology is sincere. But as you know, I am rather dedicated to showing
myself to all of you, warts and all. How else can I connect with people, how
else can I show everyone that we have more similarities than differences, we
humans, if I don’t let you see my not so shiny side?
I can’t. So therefore it’s time
for me to show you that I have my issues and shortcomings, just like everyone
else on this planet.
There ought to be a law against
men, shopping on their own without supervision in the grocery store. That, in my
opinion, nearly qualifies as a crime against (female) humanity. But there’s a
transgression that goes one step further, is even more heinous on the crime
index scale. Yes, I’m talking about men, shopping on their own without
supervision in the grocery store while accompanied by 1 or more children under
the age of 10! Ah, my friends! Sadly, it happens more than you know it
does.
Why do I feel this way? Over my
years of encountering men shopping without supervision in the grocery store,
I’ve discovered they can’t find anything; they can’t understand the list their
wives have given them; or even how the aisles are laid out. They let the
children dance or play tag in the aisles; they block the aisles with their carts
right there in the middle and at a skewed angle as they wander up and down, arms
akimbo, looking for tomato sour, only to suddenly realize (after another shopper
looks at their list and tells them thus) that it’s not tomato sour but
tomato soup they’re after! And when they suddenly notice their children
are walking in front of other shoppers, causing them to stop and wait for their
havoc-wreaking antics to be done, they then bribe those children with
allowing them to pick out two kinds of cookies instead of one, and promising a
bag of candy at the checkout counter if they’ll only behave.
Now, I have to confess that I
don’t understand what the problem is—why it has to be this way. A man makes a
list and goes to the hardware store…. or the car part store…or he goes to the
very huge “outdoor” store, the kind that has hunting gear, fishing gear, and
sports equipment. Those are a lot of stores and men seem to have no trouble
navigating their way around them. They have a list, they procure the items on
their list, and they head to the checkout. No fuss, no muss, no interfering with
the shopping experience of others. Perhaps they have to ask someone to point the
way toward something, but over all, they do quite well.
So…what seems to be the problem
at the grocery store? Someone suggested to me when I asked that very question,
that it was likely because the products were unfamiliar to them. To which I
snarked (yes snarked wasn’t a word but it is now), what, men don’t eat?
That was a ridiculous excuse my friend offered. We women all know who eats the
most groceries in our households and it’s generally not the female of the
species.
But no, apparently, “grocery
shopping” is different, and hence the disorientation, the confusion, the
tendency to de-evolve into a near-fetal state, the need to block the aisle as
they search for…they know not what.
I will admit that this seems to
happen mostly on the cusp of holidays. You know the kind of days I mean. Days
that are close to Christmas, perhaps the Saturday before it; maybe the day of
New Year’s Eve; perhaps the day before Thanksgiving; or, like this past weekend,
a beautiful Saturday smack dab in the middle of a long, patriotic holiday
weekend.
These are all days when you
know the woman of the house is probably either at home getting ready doing what
needs done in preparation of a party or dinner or barbecue of some sort, or at
work with that ahead of her. In order to be able to clean the house, get the
food on to cook, and do the myriad other chores that need doing to make the
house “guest ready”, the woman sends the man out—and sometimes the man with the
children—for a “quick” run to the grocery store—knowing full well there will be
nothing quick about it!
Women, I understand your
dilemma; I really do. I know the temptation is great. On such days, those
errands give you the only time you get alone, the only break in a busy day to
take a deep breath and get centered. So I understand how this whole, send him to
the store to get the last-minute-stuff came to be.
But please, in the name of all
that’s efficient, can’t you send them somewhere, anywhere else instead? To the
park, maybe? Or off to get ice cream! Much healthier that than the pre-packaged
cookies and candies the kids will end up with anyway.
Actually, I suppose I shouldn’t
complain overly much. Men shopping on their own without supervision in the
grocery store can be kind of cute, especially if I’m not in any particular hurry
to get done and get home. Of course, these men jump at the chance to help their
wife or girlfriend out. Even if the woman in question furrows her brow and
wonders in the aftermath if this was a wise idea, or not, sending him off to get
those few last minute necessities.
Aside from the very real
possibility he won’t come back with the right items she needed—resulting in her
either sending him back, or going there herself—there’s the whole unleashing her
situationally inept male on an unsuspecting public thing that will inevitably
niggle her conscience.
The only thing I can say in my
defense for this flaw in my character, during this latest encounter with at
least 6 unaccompanied males shopping without supervision in the grocery store
last Saturday?
For once, I kept my mouth shut
and thus, my snark to myself.
Love,
Morgan
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