Sunday, June 03, 2012

Surviving Rejection, by JoAnn Smith Ainsworth

Rejection. Hard on the ego. A given for an author. A fact of life for everyone. Allow me to share some life experiences with you for surviving rejection.

  1.  Stay unhappy for only a short time.

Sounds impossible, doesn’t it, but it can be done. The trick is to focus on your mood instead of on the event.

My firm went out of business during the dot.com recession and I lost my job. When not focused on the job hunting, I spent the day listening to music, watching comedies, and meeting with friends who consistently cheered me up. I left only a little time to grieve—just enough to get it out of my system, but not so much that I got stuck in it.

I find that negativity dampens my energy level and eventually makes me sick. Depression blinds me to potential resolutions. By keeping my mind alert and my mood elevated, I have the energy to find my way out of the circumstances created by the rejection.

  1.  See if there is a lesson in the experience.

It seems to me that sometimes life causes bad things to happen to put us on a new path. Is life telling you that you’re in a rut, that it’s time to try something new? Maybe you should you be writing in a different genre.

In hind sight, those changes often are for the best–different friends, different job, different place to live, different hobbies.

  1. Project onto family, friends and business associates who rejected you or your ideas those qualities you like most about them.

At the time you want to hate them, I’m telling you to do the opposite. I’m suggesting you focus on why you loved them in the first place or wanted to work with them.

What’s my reasoning? The goal is for you to become happy again as quickly as possible. Why wallow in the things that make you unhappy?

Visualize the relationship perfection you’re seeking. See family, friends and co-workers exhibiting the kinds of personality traits you love best. Often expectations are self-fulfilling prophecies. See the best in others and, maybe, that’s how they’ll respond.

  1. Visualize the successful outcome you want.

When I stay focused on what I want to have happen and don’t let the problems of the moment throw me completely off track, I can find the energy to take baby steps away of the mess and toward the solution. Here’s where you have to be patient—with yourself and with others.

Baby steps take patience. Often, we want to jump right to the solution. I’ve found an immediate solution rarely happens. Instead, I have to work my way out of a problem little by little. Eventually, I get to a point where I can taste the end goal. Excitement sets in. I’m back to my old self and enjoying life.

  1. Keep getting up when knocked down.

Life taught me there’s always another chance to succeed if you don’t give up. Get up, dust yourself off, get happy and set a new goal. Remember, Abraham Lincoln’s first two businesses went bankrupt. He ran for public office six times and lost. BUT on the seventh, he won the presidency of the United States.


What if he'd given up because of rejection?



Out of the Dark

Available from Samhain Publishing


Blinded—she by nature, he by loyalty.

As a blind woman seen as a flawed commodity, Lady Lynnet is used to the idea that she's unlovable. But her parents' plan to force her into a loveless marriage is too much. Wandering, upset and lost in the cellars of the king's castle, the darkness doesn't frighten her, but the murder plot she overhears chills her to the bone. Worse, no one believes her, and the only one she can turn to is a Norman
sheriff whose voice sounds disturbingly like one of the conspirators.

Basil, Sheriff of London, is battle-hardened, fiercely loyal—and torn apart. He's falling in love with the Saxon beauty, and he longs to show her she is worthy of love despite her physical limitation.

But the very corruption she is helping him root out may implicate his own half brother. How can he turn his back on family—for an Anglo-Saxon woman?


EXCERPT:
This scene from OUT OF THE DARK is the first time the sight-impaired heroine and the sheriff are alone together – in defiance of her parents. It’s a winter night and Lynnet and Basil are in the courtyard of the king’s castle.

Despite the foot-churned, watery slush underfoot, Lynnet gladly strolled across the Tower courtyard with Basil. The slush was probably ruining her expensive boots, but she didn’t care. She hadn’t been outdoors since the dance last week.

The cold air smelled like more snow was imminent. She pulled the fur-lined hood of her wool cloak tighter around her ears and neck. Both hands were hidden in a fur muff.

The moonless night created darkness so deep she could only see shapes when passing a wind-whipped torch. Her arm wove through Basil’s, deliberately trapping him close. She leaned her head against his wool-clad arm, using it to determine when he changed directions. The hilt of his dagger pressed into her wrist where her hand entered into the muff.

This was her world, a world of touch and smell and taste.

A sighted woman might have found such a dark and unsettled night unsavory. Not Lynnet. The bite of the wind on her cheeks, the brush of Basil’s thigh, his rich voice dominating even the echoing calls of the night guards brought joy.

Basil’s only spoken words were intended to keep her from stumbling over obstructions. She wondered if his emotions churned like hers, whether, still embarrassed by this afternoon’s kiss, he could dredge up no social banter.

It doesn’t matter. I prefer this quiet time.

She breathed deeply, pulling the chilled air inside herself, melding it with her body’s warmth. The night watchman called out the hour. It was but three hours from

midnight.

Perhaps an illusion, but Lynnet swore she heard Basil’s heart beating through his heavy, wool cloak. Its rhythmic cadence soothed her. Her own eager heart sought a matching rhythm.

“I take pleasure in your company,” she said.

Basil stumbled, but he quickly regained control.
“And I in yours,” he said.

The ghostly image of her benevolent grandmother appeared in a corner of the courtyard, seeming to nod her head in approval.

Lynnet smiled, content.
 
 
__________________________________
 
JoAnn Smith Ainsworth
 
 
 

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