Some people
suffer a loss, and that loss changes them irrevocably. And for them, the
answer—the only answer—is to make that loss count for
something.
The death of a
child is a terrible thing—the greatest tragedy a parent can suffer. Like other
horrendous life traumas, that loss is often far-reaching and life altering. Many
find solace and closure by dedicating themselves to doing good work in the name
of the one they’ve lost.
For some
people, that dedication leads them to prominence. In their efforts to do what
they can to see to it no other parent has to walk their path, they make a
positive difference, a difference that touches many.
On May
3rd, 1980, a 13 year old girl, Cari Lightner, was killed in a hit and
run accident in Fair Oaks, California. The driver of the vehicle was a repeat
offender of driving under the influence. Cari’s mother, Candy
Lightner’s response to the death of her daughter and the light sentence given
her killer, prompted her to begin an organization, Mothers Against Drunk
Drivers—later changed to Mothers Against Drunk Driving—MADD. This organization,
in my opinion, is why today, in our society, driving drunk is such a taboo. When
I was a teen, the crime wasn’t taken all that seriously, either by society, or
through it, by the courts. Now, for the most part, those who drink and drive
become pariahs.
In July of
1981, on the other side of the country, in Hollywood Florida, 6 year old Adam
Walsh was abducted from a department store. He was never seen alive
again.
The murder of
this young child drove his father, John Walsh, to become an advocate for the
victims of violent crimes. He rose to national prominence as the host of
America’s Most Wanted. As a result of this case, and others, the National Center
for Missing and Exploited Children was formed, and the U. S. Congress passed the
Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act.
These are two
well known examples of bereaved parents taking positive action so that the pain
they endured, and the lives of their young children were not
meaningless.
But not
everyone is given to this kind of service; not everyone is blessed with the same
gifts. We’re all different, and how we process our life events can be as varied
as our personalities. There is no “should” here, no expectations as to how one
ought to deal with devastating personal loss.
Some folks
never get over the loss itself. Some can never leave the grieving behind.
Actually, the truth for all of us is that the death of a child leaves a hole in
the parents’ hearts that will never—can never—be filled. There is
no “getting over” it. There are ways of coping, and while we continue on living
our lives, getting up each day, going to bed each night, going through the
motions—life is never the same for us.
But then, life
never stays the same for anyone, even those who’ve never endured such a heavy
tragedy. We’re not, any of us, exactly the same people we were twenty years ago,
or even ten years ago. Sometimes the changes in us are subtle. Sometimes we
mellow, and sometimes our inner curmudgeon becomes more of a visible part of our
personalities.
Life itself
changes us, and really, that is the purpose of it. We are not born to party. We
are not born to be miserable. We are born, period. What we do as we travel this
individual path we’re each of us on is the formula for the alchemy of our own
existence. If we’re lucky, then along the way, we learn, we love, and we laugh.
We know sorrow, of course, everyone does, but hopefully we know joy, too. We
help others, and learn to accept help in return. We come to appreciate small
victories and large ones alike, and maybe we understand that each is valuable,
each has its place in the grand scheme of things.
Hopefully, we
evolve and use our talents, and the seeds of greatness within us and create a
beautiful, abundant garden with them.
Our gardens
won’t be the same—but that’s what makes them so breathtaking and so very
worthwhile.
Love,
Morgan
It must be very difficult to continuously relive the bad memories of tragic loss by becoming an advocate for the cause related ones loss, but I guess it's an important mission that someone needs to take on. Change usually only comes through gradual persistence. This takes a very special type individual. Thank goodness that they are there.
ReplyDeleteLee
Tossing It Out